...and everything will be better in the morning.

Today is cloudy, reminiscent of the winter months I've been living through up here. I dont really mind though. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I have a very lucid idea of who my friends are, and what their roles in my life are to be.

Today is the first day of my life, and I'm suddenly very excited to get on with it.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry I left
I'm sorry that I just up and left, and pretended that it didnt matter to me
I'm sorry I can't come back
I've tried, oh god I've tried, to find a way to do it. I just can't, it will never work.
I'm sorry I keep bringing those things up
I always think its funny, but you never do
I'm sorry I make you feel like a bad person
I'm sorry you were nervous about telling me
I'm sorry you have to feel guilty
I'm sorry

I'm so sorry

I get tongue tied

It seems like the advertising industry has caught wind of the swelling freak folk movement coming out of San Francisco. I would have expected it to be this time next year. Maybe they read Pitchfork. Two commericals airing have really cool nu-folk songs in them, one for this new Adidas-1 smart shoe (which is so cool, it makes me wish I was a runner) and some other one that I dont know what it is for, but it involves walking through a forrest.

I had something else to put here, but I just forgot it! How crappy.

Enough!

Ok cable news networks, stop it. Stop it right now. I'm so tired of hearing about the Terry Schiavo saga. This does not need to become a national political/philisophical debate. No, she is not suffering. This woman cannot feel things. Also, the recent rulings in the various judicial courts do not mandate that we should exterminate all people living in a vegetative state, or in a partial vegetative state. It is a simple case. She told her husband that she would want to die if she were forced to live in such a state. This ONE WOMAN said that to her husband, who according to EVERY court decision has the right to carry out this wish. Should people make living wills? Yeah, probably. Do we need to go do interviews with every person who knows someone who is a vegetable in a wheel chair? no fucking way. Maybe we should ask Steven Hawking. He's a smart guy, he could provide a hell of alot more insight into this whole spectacle (that you have created, by the way) than some questionably credentialed neurologist who is absolutely loving his 15 seconds of fame by offering a contradiciting opinion on the matter.

OH MY GOD. CNN! You are currently running a piece that compares Terry Schiavo to Jesus Christ. This woman is not a martyr. Please please please tell me you are not implying the fact that this poor woman is actually dying for the sins of mankind.

There was a school shooting last week in Minnesota. 10 people died. Are you aware of this CNN? Or were you too busy standing by for live coverage outside the 11th circuit court in Atlanta?

Just cut your losses, and quit this insanity now. This country does not need another national debate. This will, of course, be added to the list of other superfluous national debates. Abortion, the death penalty, Terry Schiavo, these are all things that will be heatedly discussed in offices and classrooms. People will invoke the name of God, in a misguided attempt to prove that they have divine opinion on their side of the argument.

There are many many more lives ended every day due to many more sets of more unjust circumstances. 20,000 people die every day because they do not have enough money to BE ALIVE. Not only is their poverty ignored by the media, but also by the American Government that has continually pledged to do something about this tragedy and continually broken this promise.

American media, I've come to expect that you will beat a dead horse when the opportunity is afforded to you. But in this case you are, literally, beating a dead woman.

I'll pay for you anytime

Dear America,

If you do not have the cd "Silent Alarm" by Bloc Party, you have down syndrome. I'm sorry to be the one to inform you of this. Please do not speak ill of the messenger, especially in front of cute girls. He needs his pride.


I called my mom on Sunday night and Ellie Gardener answered the phone. It was quite strange. Apparently, in the backwards world that I live in, where it is March 20th and snowing outside, Ellie Gardener and my mother drink margaritas inside restaraunts in Texas. I guess I should have seen it coming once I noticed the flakes falling from the sky.

In other news, the local Best Buy has a small and misguided "indie rock" rack. The Rocket Summer can be purchased from said rack for 14.99. Act quickly, for there is only one copy left. Congradulations Bryce, Saginaw loves you.

adorable

Bright Eyes has a new video for "First Day Of My Life' and its so fucking cute I can't even stand it. Watch it here

Crazy busy weekend, I worked nonstop. I wish I had spring break. Being a grown up is really awful.

What's It Gonna Be?

Missouri or Texas? I can't decide.

There are times when I can't imagine living anywhere except Columbia. I just want to go back to everything I know. Back to Shakespeare's and Tellers. Back to 9th st, and the Blue Note. I miss the quad, and seeing Jesse Hall glowing at night above all the other buildings. I miss living next to the power plant, next to the soothing flashes of the red lights on the exhaust towers. I want to go back to the J-Slums. I want to go to parties with Matt Sutorius, Austin and Aaron Richter. I want to smoke cigarettes and talk shit with Becca Eden.

But other times I feel like Denton would be best. I'd be close to home, close to family. I'd also be close to amazing mexican food. And god knows that there no party can top a Denton party. The Texas kids can party like you wouldnt believe. They'd rock the socks off the CoMO kids.

But then again sometimes I dont want a new start. I want to go back to what is familiar, to all my friends in Missouri. Something inside me says I should just go back to Columbia with my tail between my legs and finish what I started. But going back there would be really difficult. That journalism school isnt too forgiving. And I'm not sure it would be the same as before. Harkin is gone for good, so I can't think of any reason to go back to East Campus. Downtown is the new East Campus anyways.

Maybe it would just be easier to make a fresh start in Texas. I dont know.

I dont know what to do.

MICHIGAN!

I've been filled with a certain amount of Michigan pride lately. I have no idea where this has come from. I think that Sufjan Stevens is to blame though. I am really fascinated with the geography of the state, and all the different towns. Despite the fact that Detroit is in fact in Michigan, the rest of the state is astoundingly rurual. Wilderness expands beyond the scope of your own perspective, and you wonder out loud "are there any wolverines out there?"
After researching this, I have found that the answer is no. Despite the fact that the University of Michigan's mascot is the Wolverine, and that sometimes people refer to Michigan as "The Wolverine State," there are not actually wolverines in Michigan (X-Men or otherwise). There are, however, many deer. I've nearly hit several of them in my car, and one actually caused my car to slide on some ice, narrowly missing both the deer and a snow filled ditch on the side of the road. For every deer in Michigan, there are 3 times as many macho men to hunt the deer. In my opinion, the deer need to watch their backs a little more carefully. If they are nearly being taken out by my Mazda 3, then there is no telling what a hunter with camo, and one of those tree houses, and a gun could do to them.

"We're living in a den of thieves"

"Us" by Regina Spektor seems to be taylor made for mix cds. Specifically, the kind of mix cd you give to a girl to let her know that you are deep, and that you have a huge and wonderful knowlege of music. This girl would be won over by your uncanny ability to select cute songs that she has never heard, and will think of you every time that she hears any of the tracks contained on said cd.

I can't explain this recent explosion of blogging. I guess it stems from a hunger for comunication with the outside world.


There are certain girls named Kait that I miss alot right now.

Selection Sunday!

I've been drinking coffee and watching basketball non stop for two days. It's been wonderful.

I'm also so poor that the only thing I have to eat until thursday is macaroni and cheese, popcorn and chips and salsa. Hopefully I'll be in detroit for a day or two this week though, and the paper can hook me up with some petty cash to hold me over while I'm in the motor city.

A survey for Saturday

How many total songs? 1746

Sort by Song Title - first and last?
First: ...Slow Dance on the Inside - Taking Back Sunday
Last: Zero - Smashing Pumpkins

Sort by Album - first and last?
First: (This Is) The Dream of Evan and Chan EP - Dntel
Last: Zoomer - Schneider TM

Top Ten Most Played Songs:
(shit, my top 10 is embarassing)

1. The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight (86)
2. Death Cab For Cutie - Lightness (74)
3. Death Cab For Cutie - Title and Registration (73)
4. Death Cab For Cutie - The New Year (72)
5. Death Cab For Cutie - I Was A Kaleidoscope (64)
6. Death Cab For Cutie - 405 (accoustic) (61)
7. Death Cab For Cutie - Tiny Vessels (60)
8. Death Cab For Cutie - Passenger Seat (60)
9. Death Cab For Cutie - The Sound of Settling (53)
10. The Decemberists - Red Right Ankle (53)



Find "sex," how many songs show up? :: 14

Find "death," how many songs show up? :: 51 (mostly all death cab)

Find "love," how many songs show up? :: 61

WTF?

so Carolina lost, to Georgia Tech of all people. Normally, I would be totally stoked about my 3rd most hated team getting upset in the ACC tournament, but this is starting to complicate my bracket. I've actually got money on this year's tournament, and its going to be a hell of alot harder to make winning picks with all the top teams being upset lately.

I've spent all morning looking at turntables and records online. I think I could be a good DJ. I already make amazing mix cds. This would just be like making a mix cd, except live. Too bad everyone doesnt love techno as much as me. There should really be a bigger audience for this.

"Painting is part of me. It always has been, it always will be."

My recent addiction to Last Night's Party has left me with a few questions.

1) Why am I not 21 yet? I need to get on that.

2) Could I actually survive in Williamsburg? Possibly the only place on the planet that is too hip for my skinny Texan ass.

3) What's up with the little bumps that some girls have on their nipples? There is the main bump, and then there are sometimes also smaller bumps. Where does that come from? I can't think of any men who have this.

I stayed up until 4 last night reading old blogs. I read all of this one, and a year's worth of my high school one. I really enjoyed it though, especially the high school one. Every minute or so I would remember something all of a sudden, and freak out about it. And some of the things I wrote were so wonderful and clever.

However, I feel that this habbit of reminiscing about high school (a trend recently brought on by a Jimmy Eat World video, mentioned below) is a regression in a way. For the last couple months I've been trying so hard to forget the past, and embrace the future. This is all motivated by the theory that holding on to the past only hinders your ability to embrace the future, which is basically all we have. How will I ever be happy if I am busy longing for things in my past that either no longer exist or I can no longer be a part of? I've been doing my best to forget Columbia, and to forget Grapevine and focus on finding something here in Bay City that makes me happy. I have planned to do the same in Denton next fall. But this fucking need to remember, to relive, will not die. It is a cheap and easy way to fill the void of social and emotional activity here. It is almost as if I am addicted to my past. I get my fix when I read my old blogs. I get my fix on sunday night phone calls to ex girlfriends. I get my fix through the blogs of others. I hope that someday I will find a way to let go of these things and get on with my life.

The triumphant return of the blog survey:

Done it? X it
[x] been drunk.
[x] smoked pot.
[x] kissed someone.
[x] rode in a taxi.
[ ] been dumped. (Never been dumped, cause I'm the most mackinest...)
[x] shoplifted.
[x] been fired.
[ ] been in a fist fight.
[x] broken a bone
[ ] got hit by a car
[ ] snuck out of your parent's house.
[x] been arrested
[x] gone in a mosh pit
[x] stole something from your school.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[ ] had a crush on a teacher
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe.
[x] skipped school.
[x] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue'
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[ ] cheated on a bf/gf.
[ ] been cheated on.
[ ] had your tonsils out.
[x] had a car.
[ ] Totaled a car

Do you...
[ ] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[x] feel happy.
[ ] hate yourself.
[x] think youre attractive
[x] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[ ] listen to Hawaiian Music
[x] listen to underground hip hop
[x] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock
[ ] listen to country.
[ ] listen to reggae.
[x] listen to techno.
[x] have hobbies
[ ] have more than 1 best friend.
[ ] get good grades..
[x] play an instrument.
[ ] have slippers
[x] wear boxers
[ ] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[x] like the color pink.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[ ] have long hair
[x] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[x] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager

Are you...
[ ] ugly
[x] pretty.
[x] ok.
[x] Handsome.
[x] bored.
[x] happy.
[x] bilingual.
[ ] Hawaiian.
[ ] Samoan.
[ ] Filipino.
[ ] Korean.
[ ] British.
[x] white.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican.
[ ] asian.
[x] short.
[ ] tall
[x] realistic
[ ] sick
[ ] mad
[x] lazy.
[x] single.
[ ] taken.
[x] looking.
[ ] not looking.
[ ] talking to someone.
[ ] IMing someone.
[ ] scared to die.
[x] horny
[x] tired.
[x] sleepy.
[ ] annoyed.
[ ] hungry.
[x] thirsty.
[ ] on the phone.
[x] in your room.
[x] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[ ] in your pjs.
[x] ticklish
[ ] listening to music
[ ] a virgin

It's all because of Jimmy Eat World.

It's because of them that I suddenly have a desperate and crippling need to be in Grapevine, Texas. I miss the smell of diesel fuel exhaust coming from all the busses at a friday night football game. The smell of those vinyl seats slowly fading underneath the smell of 30 girls spraying perfume.

I miss my Ford Explorer, and driving around listening to Jimmy Eat World and thinking about girls. I miss underwear shopping with Stefani Ware, which turned into a guitar concert that won her heart, if only for a night. I miss late night barbeques in Crystal Goodlin's back yard, when Scott Blick was the coolest guy I knew. I miss 12:30 am in the parking lot of Mimi's Cafe, just talking shit with Amanda Lozano and Adam Bertholdi.

And their video is so cheesy too! All those high school montages. Still, Jimmy Eat World will always be the sound of high school, and they know it. That's why they make the cheesy high school video. Clarity was always the album of choice for driving at night. I had Bleed American playing during my first date with Jessica Henning, to prove to her that I liked good music. To this day, I can't hear "A Praise Chorus" without thinking of Highway 26.

It's all because of Jimmy Eat World that I can still remember what it's like to be 16 again.