It's Not Rocket Surgery

Tips for buying storage from me over the phone:

- Don't call me at 10:30 at night wanting to get a storage unit. The place is closed, and you didn't just get evicted 5 minutes ago. Act like you got some sense.
- When I ask you what you want to store, don't say "stuff." Yes, I'm sure you're storing stuff. We have lots of great unit sizes that can store "stuff," but unless you give me a better answer than "stuff," I'm afraid I'm going to have to say that the best unit size for you is a climate controlled "go fuck yourself."
- Don't call me, ask me questions and then repeat everything I say to a person who is standing RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. Give the phone to your friend and say "This person knows what you need, talk to them and then give them your credit card information." (Note: This scenario is forgivable when the person standing next to you does not speak english).
- Don't call me if you don't speak english.
- I'm not going to tell you every size and price. There are many of them, let's narrow it down. If you're storing a three bedroom house, you aren't going to need the price for a 5x5.
- If I tell you what size unit you need, that's the size you need. Don't argue with me. You aren't going to convince me that your two bedroom apartment will fit in a 5x10.
- I can't take a bill payment over the phone. Really, it's not "fucking stupid" if you think about it. If you'd just pay the fucking thing when they send it to you, you wouldn't have to call me and yell at me.
- There are no 24 hour storage facilities in New York. I know you might have to go into your unit and retrieve something at 5am after a massive coke binge, but you just can't do that here. Either plan ahead or go to New Jersey.

Bottlerockets Are The New Airhorns

So if you weren't there (and don't lie, I know you weren't), here's a snippet of my set at the weird Techno/BBQ/Rave that I played at DJ Gucci's house on Saturday. It's pretty heavy on the housey stuff (when in rome and whatnot), which I usually only play at open decks or at parties when no one is paying attention. This is the first third, which was probably the best chunk. Here it is, enjoy:

Chris Hires - Live at DJ Gucci's Techno BBQ
Tracklist:

Whatever Jackson was playing before me
Le Tigre - After Dark (A Touch of Class Remix)
Erlend Øye - The Black Keys Work (Phonique Remix Instrumental)/Missy Elliot - Gossip Folk
Mylo - Doctor Pressure
Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger (Jesse & Crabb Remix)/Spankrock - Put That Pussy On Me
Diplo - Buy It, Use It (Instrumental)
Les Visiteurs - Snoop's Acid Drop
Cajmere - Percolator
Hot Chip - Over and Over (Solid Groove Remix)
Switch - A Bit Patchy

Hardly Working

As it turns out, no one wants to buy a storage unit on Mother's day. I've answered 20 calls in the 4 hours I've been here (my average for a 7 hour shift is between 70-90).

A woman in Washington just called me to tell me that her husband is locked in a storage unit, and he doesn't know where he is. I got disconnected from her while dialing the emergency numbers, but I'm guessing they'll probably get him out eventually.

A portion of my set during last night's performance at DJ Gucci's Techno BBQ will be uploaded later tonight. Consider yourself lucky, you can hear the music without having to deal with the terrifying sight of ravers in daylight. There were times when I was glad to be playing to an empty bedroom (just like at home!).

Recent iTunes hotness:

The Knife - Silent Shout
E-40 - Tell Me When To Go (Sinden Remix)
Kelis - Bossy (Switch Remix)
Hot Chip - Over and Over (Solid Groove Remix)
TI - What You Know (Hard Times Remix)
James Murphy - Live at Big Day Out (2006)
Afrodisiac Sound System - Pretty much everything they have out
DJ Gorky - Lemon-Red Mix, May 2006
Curtis Vodka/Capski - Fathertronix Monthly Mix Winners
The Beegees - You Should Be Dancing
The Jackson 5 - It's Great To Be Here

It's PEOPLE!

Smell that? Nope, I didn't burn the potroast (it's still marinating!). That smell, which seems to be more dominate in the last week than ever before, is the smell of people cremating.

...yeah, I know.

I guess this is part of the territory when you live two blocks from a funeral home. Daily smell schedule is as follows:

10am - 2pm: Coffee
2pm-5pm: Burning people
5pm-8pm: Steak (CC's Broiler is across the street)

Yeah, I could probably do away with the last two by closing my windows and using some febreeze, but then I'd have you use the A/C, and I'm not about to start paying those crazy electric bills.

Oh Shit!