I stayed up until 4 last night reading old blogs. I read all of this one, and a year's worth of my high school one. I really enjoyed it though, especially the high school one. Every minute or so I would remember something all of a sudden, and freak out about it. And some of the things I wrote were so wonderful and clever.

However, I feel that this habbit of reminiscing about high school (a trend recently brought on by a Jimmy Eat World video, mentioned below) is a regression in a way. For the last couple months I've been trying so hard to forget the past, and embrace the future. This is all motivated by the theory that holding on to the past only hinders your ability to embrace the future, which is basically all we have. How will I ever be happy if I am busy longing for things in my past that either no longer exist or I can no longer be a part of? I've been doing my best to forget Columbia, and to forget Grapevine and focus on finding something here in Bay City that makes me happy. I have planned to do the same in Denton next fall. But this fucking need to remember, to relive, will not die. It is a cheap and easy way to fill the void of social and emotional activity here. It is almost as if I am addicted to my past. I get my fix when I read my old blogs. I get my fix on sunday night phone calls to ex girlfriends. I get my fix through the blogs of others. I hope that someday I will find a way to let go of these things and get on with my life.