I'm Sorry For The Things I've Done

I think I've got it figured out. I've figured out why all the walking, the running, the anger. It was all just a way of holding on to her, of keeping her close, at least in my head/heart. But it was all so negative, so pointless. All such a huge waste of energy. This time last year is when I really started to get depressed, over everything. I just lost all of my motivation. The same thing happened again today. I'm not happy, and I keep forgetting that I'm turning 20 on Tuesday. I don't know what I want anymore. I want nothing. It's a really scarry thing, to want nothing, especially when you've been reduced to nothing. It's so lonely. I've spent so much time, so much energy this year fighting. Fighting the passing of time, fighting the inevitable. Fighting the things she did, fighting the way those things made me feel. But the truth is that all of these things are things that happen. They happen, and you can't change any of it. Now I'm fighting to let go of those things, and I hope I still have the energy to do it.