I know nothing about football (soccer).

That's right, absolutely nothing. Every four years I see everyone get psyched about the world cup, and I have no idea about any of it. Ok, so here are some things that I know about soccer:

1. Brazil is supposedly very good at soccer
2. It's the most physically demanding sport in the world
3. When I played soccer at age 5, I was the kid who was afraid of the ball and ran away from it. I was in it for the orange slices and the Capri Sun.

So in order to correct this, I picked up a copy of Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby today when I was browsing at Barnes and Noble. Turns out that the book is not really about baseball, is supposedly not shitty (Nick Hornby is generally not a shitty writer), and there are absolutely NO mentions of Jimmy Fallon in it. I haven't started it yet, but I'm excited to get on with my education. Apparently there is something called Arsenal, which I guess is a team but I think that's a pretty dumb name, I can't even tell what city they're from. I guess they're a big deal though. I don't have TV, so I probably won't get to watch very much of the World Cup, but when I read about it on the internerd I hope to understand what's going on.

Update: The girl who just delivered my pizza was very hot. She got lost, and I still tipped her well because she was so focused. I've decided that I will be carrying on the great American tradition of emulating behavior seen on TV by ordering pizza as often as possible (the behavior in question can be seen on episodes of "Friends"). In addition, according to pornography I will only have to order no more than three pizzas before we have sex.