It Can't Be Ok, Not Yet

I'm starting to feel ok with this, and that worries me. It can't possibly be this easy. I feel like I lack catharsis, and because it all seems easy now, the rest of the feelings and emotions are going to build up and hit me at once. If/when that happens, it will hit me hard. I dont know if I want to do this that way.

I still haven't accepted that I'm here permanantly, though I did get physically ill today when I had to change my phone number back to an 817 area code. I feel like I'm on spring break and I'll be going back to Columbia next week. I haven't figured out how to convince myself that I'm here for good this time.